Now, I’ve stayed in my fair share of hostels. Some good, some bad. I have quite a good eye for hostel etiquette, behaviour and unspoken laws. However, there are those few annoying travellers who just haven’t picked up on these yet. Or they are just fools. Let me present this easy, step by step guide of how to be unpopular in a hostel.
Don’t acknowledge anyone
Some newbies have entered the room, but don’t look in their direction. They just smiled at the back of your head because you’re really rude. Carry on looking at your phone, or better yet, but your headphones in so they are 100% sure you don’t want to say hi.
Claim the whole hostel room as your territory
Unpack everything that’s in your backpack and lay it over the floor. You’ve got a wet towel? Oh perfect, hang it over the person’s bunk that’s above you so it can dry. It will make the room smell damp and even better, make their bedsheets wet.
Start speaking but be really obnoxious
Your opinions are more valid than everyone else’s so make sure they’re heard. You’re also the long termer and pay a weekly rate instead of nightly because you’re such a local. Make sure everyone knows you’ve got the best and comfiest bed in the room because you’ve slept in them all.
Create a sex den
Someone’s checked out? Oh perfect, grab their dirty sheets and start hanging them around your bed. Tell everyone that it’s not for privacy, it’s because you want to have sex but don’t want anyone to see. Although you haven’t brought anyone back to sleep with yet.
Set 12 alarms but don’t wake up for any of them
Even better, start snoozing each alarm so you have double the amount of alarms to wake everyone up with. Make it that annoying siren sound, or if you’re hip and quirky you could try birds singing with chimes in the background. That’s a crowd pleaser.
Hog the en suite
It’s a hostel rarity that there’s an en suite so take as much time in there as you like. Help yourself to everyone’s shampoo and body wash because they all like to buy more because they’ve run out freakishly quick. (Semi-guilty of this myself). Is that someone’s shower scrunchy you see? USE IT!
Leave hair everywhere you go
Shaving your beard? Do it in the sink so stubble goes everywhere! Washing your luscious locks? Make sure it clogs the drain and gets stuck between peoples toes, they’ll love that.
Everything in the kitchen is yours
Move that bag of food out of the way in the fridge because yours will fit better in that gap. Ayup, someone’s got cheese?! Help yourself to some of that too! Once you’ve finished cooking, leave everything that you have used next to the sink in a dirty pile.
Don’t wash your clothes
Hey, you’re a traveller now. That means you’re a hippie and hippies don’t wash their clothes. Fill the room with your stench.
Slam that door
Everyone is asleep but you need the bathroom. No dramas. If you’re on the top bunk then I’d suggest shaking the bed as much as you possibly can so that the person below is certain that you’re on the move. Don’t try and close the door quietly either, let that slam as loud as possible!
Drink a ridiculous amount of alcohol
Everyone’s staying in because they’re over backpacker bars for a while. What absolute bores. Drink as much as you like, spill it on the floor so the room smells like an old pub. Call everyone boring on your way out.
Have really loud sex
Score, you’ve actually brought someone back with you. Better make use of that perfectly crafted sex den! Wake everyone up giggling, and then have the loudest sex you can. Okay, so the sex den is a little overrated. Let’s move to the ensuite and push everyone’s toiletries on the floor to make room for your skanky bodies.
Snore like an animal
The deed is done. Everyone’s now awake after your sex sesh and you’re absolutely shattered. Climb into bed and snore to your heart’s content. No one needs to be up early anyway. (I’m a snorer, sorry to everyone I’ve annoyed)
Fill the room with a toxic aerosol cloud
God, this room smells like damp. Apply as much deodorant as you can! It will really get on everyone’s chests. Especially the asthmatics, they’ll love you.
Don’t learn from your mistakes
People in your room have checked out. You’re still there but don’t have a job yet. You’re wondering why no ones invited you out on a day trip and all the other long termers have moved out. So, don’t spend too much time wondering what it is you’ve done. Oh look, the new roomies have checked in, better locate them headphones!
Believe me, you will most likely experience every single one of these if you stay in a hostel for a long period of time. There are heaps more irritating habits and I just wonder when people will realise that it isn’t just them that live in the room! Let me know what really grinds your gears in hostels.
Hostels are such a great way to meet people. If you have respect for other people then you won’t be the unpopular one, you’ll have an amazing time!